Have I stop believing in myself?

When I started pole dancing I was somebodyelse. My heart belongs to fashion design - I was breathing fashion, I was dreaming fashion and I saw my whole future in fashion - I was a full-hearted fashion designer. It was the one and only thing where I could see myself doing even when I`m lying in my death bed. Seriously, I was really into fashion.

But then pole dance came into my life and the wannabe-multi-millionaire-fashion-designer disappered with each spin and with each invert I did on the pole. That´s life I guess ;-)

And no, pole dancing is not my plan B because I failed in my carrier. The first time I came in touch with a pole was in Frankfurt. I had a design job which brought me a lot of money and all what would make me happy was shopping. I spent a lot of money to cover my frustration and during this desperate time I bought a pole (and of course not any pole but an xPole) as a decoration for my apartment. I thought it would look cool to have a pole in the middle of my apartment. So when I was in LA to exhibit my own collection at the Magic (which was in Las Vegas). A great friend of mine (he knew I had a pole in my house) gave me as a present a privat lesson with Cat Gennaro. She was the one who got the stone rolling. She had so much patient with me and for 90mins she showed me only the fireman spin and I was totally in love. I fall in love with the grace she did that spin and I didn´t bother me at all that we didn´t do anything beside that spin. I was eager to be at least as half elegant as Cat after that class (but I probably failed). She thought me that the art of pole dancing is to make a move effortless, pretty and elegant. I´m so thankful, that my friend gave me that class with Cat and I´m so thankful that my first impression of pole dance was with Cat and not any other pole dance/stripper girl (nothing about a stripper, I would just not fall in love with pole dance if somebody show me how to body roll or hair flic at my first class). After that private it needed a couple of months until I really started with pole dance.

I moved to Berlin, got on a mentally, spiritual trip to find myself and did my first fasting until I found myself back on the pole again, this was March 2012.

Most of my skills on the pole I got from the amazing teacher YouTube. I never really followed a "timeline". I got my butterfly before I could even do the chair spin. I could shoulder mount before I even know there are leg hangs. I love my pole dearly and tried to find a way how I could spend all of my time with my new lover. And this desire led me to Body& Pole beginning this year. I spent there 3 months with a minimum of 5 hours training a day. Even though my body was aching during the night that I couldn´t even sleep, I love every second I was at Body&Pole. It changed my view of pole dancing, it changed the way I dance with the pole. It changed my life path.

I have never belived in myself so much like now. I have never thought my body would be able to do the things I can do today and it makes me stronger, more confident - man, it just make me feel like a super heroe!

So - does it matter that I don´t follow the path I supposedly to go? Does it matter that I don´t work in the profession I have spent many years to studied?

It doesn´t matter to me now! As long as I´m happy, that´s the right path for me and I´m really happy now. I´m happy if I can pole dance, if I can push my borders with each trick I do on the pole and if I can teach this great life style to other women.

Sometimes, I still ask myself what I gonna do with my pole dancing skills or what I gonna do when I`m 40 - I don´t know! I´m excited what life brings to me ;-)




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